Bangkok Spa together, Everything seem like as per normal. I don't understand what are "you" thinking about, playing this mind game with me, at times being cold and at times being hot. We even have intimate times.
& suddenly , you told me you fall someone else.
This terrible feeling had been haunting me down for a number of days. A feeling of bitter yet pain, a torment that was totally unendurable. A totally unexplainable mix up feeling. I can no longer hold back those tears any more and i'm letting them go when ever they want. Cried to sleep, woke up in the middle of the night and continue crying till my eyes, my whole body was mad tired and fall asleep without knowing. My hearts are getting numb and my tears are drying days after days. I don't understand where did i get the courage from, to smile even when i am down in the past. Looking into the mirror everyday, noticing that every single bit i had changed. I'm no longer who i am.
Suicidal thoughts came across my mind once again. Hoping that i will get knock down by the cars when i cross the road, wishing that i will die in my dreams or even asking for a person to take a knife to stab several times through my heart. The temptation of taking a pen-knife and slash onto my wrist to get satisfaction. Sniffing glue and get high so i will forget about those unhappiness for a moment. I know its stupid to have back those thought but sometime i just can't help it but to think that way. Family, relationship problem came one after another. I'm a human, not a robort. I cannot take it at a short time. I am weak. I need time to handle one at a time. I am really tired of all this...
I MISS US :(
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